Day 17: Self Control

Due to my lack of Self Control last night (ie. I fell asleep at 8:30pm with my son), I am now running a day behind on the 21 Day Prayer Challenge!!

I began to think about what to write as I prayed over my son, and then I sat down to read the leader’s guide. Brooke expresses self control and self discipline perfectly.

Life with Christ was not about what I could or could not do, but about loving Him more than I loved my sin.

Loving Him more.

Anything that separates me from God is sin and anything good can be made sin if I love it more than I love Him. And years later I’m still choosing.

I love Him. I love Him less than looking my best. I love Him. I love Him less than yelling at my kids. I love Him. I love Him less than getting even with my husband. I love Him. I love Him less than having a published book. I love Him. I love Him less than time to myself. I love Him. I love Him less than a stomach painfully full of my favorite meal. I love Him. I love Him less than getting my own way.

I love Him.

I love Him less.

Every time I love Him less I love something else more.

But He loves me. He loves me always.

In the moment of choice this knowing of His steadfast, never-ending love is what gives me strength. This knowing of His great sacrifice for me … and for you. This knowing of the lengths He would go to love me more.

More than I deserve.

More than I can comprehend.

More than the power of Hell can stand against.

“My Savior’s sacrifice paid for all my sin. So in my suffering I look to the Cross again. No need, no want, no trial, no pain can compare to this: The wrath of God once meant for me, was all spent on Him. Before the Cross, I humbly bow. I place my trust in the Savior. Your finished work captures my gaze. You bore the wrath, I know the grace.” ~Before the Cross (Sovereign Grace Music)

Now the little forever soul sits in front of me for what seems like the 20 millionth time today. And I look at him… and he looks at me. And I wonder, out loud, how he could possibly want to choose discipline over joyful obedience. After days of willful rebellion from two little men, I’m spent and I cannot understand in that moment why ANYONE would choose this chaos–this miser–when simple obedience would change everything. Don’t they know the sweetness that would be theirs if they would just obey?

Just CHOOSE to obey? Sigh. There’s that word again.

The choice to love Him more begins from the beginning … hearts made to worship Him … choose Him. Hearts that are left to themselves will choose our own way every time.

How many times have I chosen my own way when I knew the consequences? How many times have I forfeited the sweet, peaceful blessings of obedience in order to stamp my feet, cross my arms, dig in my stubborn threeyear-old-like heels and have my own way?

And this from a woman who has tasted the goodness of God in the land of the living!

How can I expect my little ones to choose the good all the time when their own mama, a Jesus-follower for over 20 years, still gets it wrong?

Grace.

Grace.

And more grace

Grace.

and choosing to love Him more.