Thursday June 17
We really wanted to find a nicer beach, or a place where the kids could swim. Sean had taken the kids to the beach on Wednesday evening while I rested (again), but there were lots of itty bitty jelly fishing stinging them. We thought of Golden Sands resort, which has an awesome program for kids, but when we called they said, “No Outsiders! Not even if you’re willing to pay!”
At this point KD came to the rescue yet again, and told us of a secret haven where we could take the kids for the day at the pool. Baan Talay has some serviced apartments, and they would take us there to play.
We all had an awesome time. There was a slide, which Samantha quickly mastered all by herself and before we knew she was swimming like a fish. The kids were able to take an afternoon nap in the apartment while Sean went back to the consulate to pick up passports and visas. In the late afternoon, the neighbourhood kids came down to the pool for after school play, and Samantha made instant friends. We met lots of friendly people, all greeting us like we were old friends.
As we were preparing to return to Baan Talay, we met even more people. I met an interesting guy from Iran (Sean had met him earlier) as I was chasing Samantha round the pool. He was commenting on how creative Timothy was and what awesome kids both Sam and Tim are. I agreed, of course. But then he said something very intriguing… “Love your husband more than you love your kids”. Well, of course! Duh! Then I began to wonder, What’s this guys story? Why would he say that? Is it cultural? Is it personal? Who ripped this guys heart out and stomped all over it?
And then I thought about how hard having kids is on relationships. You spend so much time just trying to keep up with the kids – at one point when Timothy was very young, I said to Sean, “Right now the extent of our relationship is negotiating who takes care of the kids, while the other has a break.” I’m so glad that we had 10 years to just enjoy each other before the kids came along. But sometimes it makes it harder than if we’d just had kids easily, cause I remember the ‘glory days’ when Sean and I were a team, fighting dragons together, taking on the world! We could go anywhere. Do anything! Right now we’re like The Incredibles at the beginning of the movie. Super powers dormant. Mrs Incredible is just a Mum trying to blend into society. I’m invisible. I mustn’t stand out. But soon something big is gonna happen and we’ll return to the glory days, only this time we’ll have the kids fighting dragons with us. Yeah!
Okay, well, um yeah. I’m not sure where that came from…
I'm sorry, what? "Love your husband more than you love your kids"?
You're meant to rank them? Sean on top, then Samantha, then Timothy? Or, maybe, Timothy and then Samantha? That's patently absurd.
Love your FAMILY. Equally. For crying out loud.
You're right, Sage. Our world view says that we should be committed and dedicated to, loving and treasuring each member of our family equally. And I totally agree. It's how I'm programmed.
In my time in Asia, I've actually heard this type of comment a lot. So, I think this guy's statement is born out of a different world view. Arranged marriages. Multiple wives. Marriages of convenience. Many places in the world don't marry for love and romance, but for political, financial, power and control reasons. In Thailand, it is believed the strongest bond of true, pure love is the love between a mother and her children. All other loves are tainted and impure. Many couples marry, have kids straight away, and never have sex with each other again. The husband gets a mistress and the wife is totally dedicated to her child and only cares that her husband provides for her 'in the manner in which she is accustomed'. So, perhaps there's something similar to that in Iran.