No, today we are not talking about Infertilty Treatment.

Instead we’re talking about Hair Removal. I just spent the last hour removing the ugly elephant hairs from my beautiful legs.

In all fairness to myself and my readers, I feel the need to back up and start when I was the tender young age of 11. I was footloose and fancy free, not a care in the world. Well, maybe a few. But I liked my legs, and the hair upon them didn’t bother me at all. You could barely see it. Life was good.

One day my beloved older sister looked at my legs and said, “You really need to shave”. Well, I worshipped the ground she walked on, and my one desire in life was to please her and have her like me, so I promptly and proudly shaved those pesky short soft blond hairs off my legs. Okay, that’s done, now she’ll love me.

A few days later I noticed that the pesky hairs were coming back, so I quickly got rid of them. Within a short period I began to realize the horror of my decision. I’m gonna have to shave my legs every day for the rest of my life. Because, not only does the hair grow back. It grows back thicker and blacker than it was on the day I started.

Have any of you ever had the joy of patting an elephant?? Or maybe a wild boar? Well, the hairs on my legs, if left alone for about a week, will grow as long and thick as the hair on an elephant or boar. I’ve had nightmares about the jungle on my legs – I’m sure it houses an entire eco-system.

So, after 22 years of shaving the ugly hair off my lovely legs, I decided enough was enough. I stopped shaving. About 5 days later, Sean began to beg me to start again, because the eco-system began to encroach on his side of the bed and his legs were starting to bleed. So I had my legs waxed. Unfortunately, the lady not only ripped the hair out, she also removed several layers of skin. And I couldn’t justify $25 a month, just for the sake of my vanity.

A few months later I found this wonderful little machine called an “Epil-Silk”. The Epil Silk looks harmless enough, much like an electic razor. But, instead of cutting the hair, the Epil Silk rips them out one by one, an excruciating process that takes about an hour, leaving your legs all raw, tingly and numb for a day (don’t use before a hot shower or a day at the beach). But, the wonderful thing is that eventually I won’t have to use it anymore. You see, torture today (and every 4 weeks for the next year) means that one day my elephant hairs will become those cute little ‘barely there’ blond hairs of my adolesence.

Oh, and just so you know, my sister never got the elephant hairs. Some crazy twist of fate made me, the blondy in family, get them. But my dark haired sister has sparse, fine leg hair – kind of like a chinese crested hairless dog. So, beloved sister, be proud. The torture of our childhood continues….

Disclaimer: I love my sister, but I don’t worship her any more, and don’t feel the need to please her (well, not that much). I believe it is the right of all younger siblings to blame their older siblings for at least one ‘cross’ that they bare. For me, it is hair removal.