Play It Again: Food for Thought

by | Jul 30, 2008 | infertility, play it again

Originally Posted: July 31, 2006

I’ve been reading this fantastic book called “The Infertility Companion”, by Sandra Glahn and William Cutrer, M.D. It’s full of all sorts of information, from insights into the emotional roller coaster, to understanding the spiritual side of IF, to the ethics of ARTs* procedures and what to expect from them.

I’m currently reading the chapters “Where is God when it hurts?” and “Is Infertility a Curse?” In the first chapter Sandra takes a look at the biblical stories of IF and how each of the suffering couples handle the situation. For me, Hannah and Elizabeth responded to there situation with the type of honesty and maturity that I desire. They trusted God, and they would go on trusting Him whether they got their desire or not. He was their ultimate goal, not the child.

As I read these chapters, I remembered talking with a friend a few years ago, who has lots of kids, and sees children as a right and necessity for all God fearing families. When I shared with her our struggle to conceive, she immediately said, “Maybe God is punishing you for using birth control early in your marriage”. That really cut me deep, even though I knew it wasn’t true.

Did you know that in the Bible there are only 3 times when IF is mentioned as a punishment for sin? Here are the references. Lev 20:20, Lev 20:21 and Num 5:20. Each of these accounts are a result of a specific sin, not some ethereal sense that if you mess up just a little the ‘big bad God’ is gonna get you.

Glahn also addresses the command in Genesis to ‘be fruitful and multiply’. We know that the coming of Jesus, and His death and resurrection brought a new covenant, which changed the focus of our purpose. We are no longer called to physical reproduction, but spiritual multiplication. Even Paul said it was better to remain single so that we could have undistracted service to God. And what about that perplexing verse stating that, “a woman shall be saved through child bearing”? Well, I have always struggled to understand that one, and have been angered when I’ve heard preachers teach on it – there’s always an assumption that this means a woman must bear her own children, so where does that leave me and the myriad of IF sufferers out there??? Firstly, it’s not talking about salvation, it’s talking about sanctification (being made holy). And it doesn’t mean that every woman must have a child from her own body. I believe that it’s talking about raising up spiritual children (discipleship), loving children – orphans, our neighbours children, the pastors kids, even the kid across the road who you don’t like very much. It’s giving our love, lives, wisdom and understanding to the next generation. Sometimes not being able to be a mother physically actually gives you more freedom to give that love and devotion to children that really need it, fill in gaps that parents can’t fulfill, and you can give more to more children than you could if you had your own. For Sean and I, our lives have been enriched by the children and teens that we have poured into over the years as we wait and hope for children of our own.

To sum up, I have a quote from the book: ‘Note how often the miracle child in these narratives ends up being used by God to lead His people. Rather than being a punishment for sin, in the biblical texts, infertility is often an affliction of the righteous.’ p 83

*ARTs = Assisted Reproductive Technologies.

Updated July 31, 2008

To be blatantly honest, the last portion of my Infertility journey rocked my faith and trust in God to the core. Before I became pregnant with Peter, I could trust God to give me children in His time. But after losing my son to miscarriage, I did doubt God’s goodness – to the point that I didn’t trust God to keep me and Samantha safe until about week 30 of pregnancy. And the last 14 months have been a rocky journey down the road of learning to trust Him again.

And I have seen how true it is that having your own children limits the time you have give to other children. Sean and I love pouring into young peoples lives, but our ability to do that has been limited in the last year. Only recently have we been able to have fun with our favourite kids, The Kumdees. And while we are involved with XTTV, as Drama and Filmmaking group for teens, we haven’t been able to invest as much as we wanted. But I feel a change coming. We don’t want Samantha to be isolated, so she’s become the XTTV Mascot, and we try to take her to play with her big ‘brothers’ and ‘sister’ as much as possible. Building up kids and youth has always been a passion, so we won’t let our own children hold us back. Samantha is as much a part of this is ministry as we are. We will continue to ‘be fruitful and multiply’ by raising up spiritual children.