A few weeks ago we visited the Royal Flora Gardens (Ratchapruek) here in Chiang Mai. We went to see the Tulips before it got too hot for them to bloom. They had also planted Lilies around the exhibit, and it reminded me of a ‘promise’ God had given me 9 years ago.
In 2001, we hosted a special meeting in our home. A woman named Mary wanted to meet the YWAM CM staff and pray for us. When she arrived, she walked up to me, handed me a bunch of lilies and said, “Lily is coming”. I was somewhat confused. “What do you mean?” “God wants you to know that Lily is coming.” “But who is Lily?” “Well, I think it’s a child, but it could be something else.” I think that she may have also said Lily would be here within 12 months. I knew that this was a big deal, cause lilies cost 100baht PER flower at that time, and there were 10 of them. So, the way she approached me and the amount she invested in this ‘word from the Lord’ impacted me greatly.
But, I was miffed. We’d been married 5 years, and still no kids. And the doctors here could not give us any answers. I felt like God was dangling a carrot in front of me, but wouldn’t give me anything tangible. I wanted dates, firm answers. And was I supposed to name this elusive child ‘Lily’?
A lot of emotions were stirred. Excitement, frustration, fear, joy, jealousy. I think I experienced the full spectrum of emotions. I was in the midst of grief over not having kids and I didn’t even realize it. So, I was angry at this ‘prophet’ for getting my hopes up. Rule number one in prophetic ministry is: be careful when sharing words about babies, marriages and relationships. Visions of pregnancy could have something to do with ministry. Marriage could be about the Bride of Christ NOT a physical wedding. Promises of restored relationship are always shaky, cause we all have our choices and free will. Those in prophetic ministry have a responsibility to be careful not to put their own value judgments and ideas into the words they speak out. It’s really hard to do. But very important.
So, I was confused and angry, as well as excited and full of anticipation. Needless to say, a year later, when there was no new ministry OR child in our lives, I was even more disillusioned.
Then lilies started growing wild in the vacant piece of land beside our house. Not just a couple, but copious amounts. About a hundred plants, scattered amongst the weeds. And I remembered: “Lily is coming”. Arrggh! Don’t get my hopes up. I’m trying to just live by faith. Just believe that in God’s time it will happen, but also be content with what I have, thankful in the midst of what I DON’T have. And at the same time, live vicariously through my friends’ children.
A few years later, we did get pregnant, but lost our child to miscarriage. Sean had a dream that the baby was a boy, and his name was Peter. Getting pregnant and losing the child did not give me any hope. I tried for a few months to ‘get over it’, but could not. And I plunged into grief and depression, and began a journey to understand the emotions behind Infertility (IF) and Pregnancy Loss. I still hoped. I still grieved. I still wanted answers. I forgot about ‘Lily’ all together. We moved house and there were no wild lilies to remind me of the promise.
Then,in 2006, Samantha was conceived. Even the IF doctor said it was a miracle. This new baby turned my world upside down and inside out. She came into the world reluctantly (2 weeks late), but now that she’s here, she is the centre of attention! I spent every minute taking in the amazing miracle God had given me. Sean and I always wanted 2 or 3 kids, but didn’t think we’d be able to have another. We decided we’d talk about it when Samantha turned two.
I woke up one morning when Samantha was about 15 months old with a very strange feeling. Nothing physical. The only way I can describe it is ‘knowing’. Sean was in a village, so after taking the HPT, I called him and announced: “You’re gonna be a dad, again!” It was freaky. I was finally normal. This is how ‘normal’ women experience pregnancy. No doctors. No tests. No needles. No knives. You just wake up and experience the miracle of pregnancy (well, it’s a little more complicated than that, but you get my drift!)
A week after Samantha’s 2nd birthday, Timothy was born. My little bundle of giggles and smiles. Samantha wanted to take on the world from the outset, but Timothy has always just wanted to stick with mummy. Samantha is a monkey. I wonder if Timothy will follow her into the canopy, or stand on the ground saying, “Sam, I think you need to check with Mum first! It looks a little high up there!” Personally, I hope he’s got the monkey gene, too.
So, I was standing in the middle of tulips and lilies at Ratchapruek Gardens. And suddenly I remember, “Lily is coming”. My handsome son is sleeping in the stroller, and my beautiful daughter comes running up to hug me.
And I think, “Lily is here!”
It’s 9 years since Mary came to visit us in our home. Nine rocky, terrible, heartbreaking years (not just the grief of IF and loss, but lots of other crappy stuff, too). We have two gorgeous kids. We’re at the beginning of an awesome new road in ministry. Lily is here.
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