I’ve been concerned about Samantha ever since we returned from The United States. We left Thailand when she was 18 months and returned when she was 30 months. A year is a long time for a toddler. By the time we got back she had forgotten her Thai, and I think actually hated hearing it because Sean and I used it as our ‘secret language’. She’d also grown very attached to her Nana, and very jealous of her new little brother who had invaded her perfect world.

So, we returned to Thailand and she remembered a lot. Her home, some of her friends, her toys, even the zoo and a few favourite play areas. But she was very unsettled, and hasn’t really returned to ‘normal’ since we came home. Normal for Samantha – she’s happy, outgoing, accepting, friendly, empathetic, trusting, polite, obedient, content, and secure. But the Samantha that returned to Thailand has been unsettled, insecure, angry, rude, introverted, unfriendly etc. Sure, I know that partly it has to do with her age, but a Mum can sense when things are deeper than ‘stages’.

Okay, so she has expressed a deep dislike of Thai’s. She doesn’t like how they get in your face and talk to you like a baby. She doesn’t like being pinched and poked, or being grabbed and forced to have her photo taken with strangers. On the other side of this, I think she’s a little jealous of the attention Timothy gets from Thai’s, especially when they dote on him and ignore her (she can still remember when she was the star of the show). I hate all this, too. I see the way it affects my baby girl and I want to slap someone. I have told her what to say and do if she doesn’t like the attention. But sadly, most Thai’s won’t take her seriously. Several times I’ve asked her if she wanted her photo taken, then told the doting fan that she said NO. They just looked at me funny and went to take the photo anyway. There’s really serious boundary issues in this culture, especially with kids. Especially with Western Kids. Why the heck would I ask my child what she wants?? She’s just a kid. She’s not even human yet!

So, Samantha usually responds to attention from Thai strangers (or even Thai’s she knows who speak no English) by screaming, screwing up her nose, turning her back on them, running away, and sometimes even trying to hit them. Most of the time I don’t blame her.

We recently spent 5 days in Malaysia. And during that time I watched a transformation begin in my Little Girl. At first, when (Asian) strangers spoke with her she had the classic knee jerk ‘Leave me alone’ reaction. But then she discovered they spoke her language. So she started to respond to them. She hung out with the owners and staff of our guest house. She made friends at the hawker stalls. Everyone she met was a ‘friend’ who she had an exciting story for. This is the Samantha I remember. The confidence. The friendliness. The extroverted leader.

On the way home, Samantha chatted with the stewardesses and other passengers, winning hearts with her tales of the Butterfly Pharmacy and the Triceratops Family who lived on the beach. She returned to pre-school with more confidence and joy.

But the clincher for me was on Sunday. Samantha doesn’t like one of the members of church very much (we’ll call her P’ X). I think Samantha is annoyed, intimidated and scared all at the same time when P’ X talks to her. Normally, Samantha will growl, pull faces, attempt to hit her and run away. And every week P’ X attempts to be friends. Last Sunday, P’ X greeted Samantha with ‘Good Morning. How are you today?’ And Samantha actually smiled and said, ‘I’m fine thank you. I just came home from Malaysia, we rode the Dinosaur Train to the Butterfly Pharmacy and saw the Triceratops family.’ P’ X looked at me for translation. I couldn’t say anything. I was close to tears. For 6 months Samantha has hated church, especially this person, and now she’s just chatting away. And she did this with several other church members.

I know that one of the deepest issues here is her lack of control over her circumstances and environment. One time I was having a conversation with a Thai woman, and Samantha said, “Stop Mummy! You have to tell me what she is saying.” She understands some of what is said to her in Thai *if the person speaks clearly*, which most Thai’s don’t. And she can speak a little Thai when she needs to. I can’t wait till she can say in Thai, “Don’t poke me. Don’t take my photo. And definitely don’t talk to me in that cutesy baby voice. I’m a kid, I’m not stupid!”

But most of all, I so thankful that she is getting her confidence, her contentment and security, and her friendly, accepting demeanor back.  Thank you to all those friendly Malays who spoke English with my daughter and didn’t poke, prod, or speak in a cutesy voice. Thank you for respecting her boundaries as a human being.