I have had writers block for the last couple of weeks. After we got home from the hospital, I literally crashed.

We arrived home on Thursday afternoon, and by Friday morning I was feeling flat, physically and emotionally exhausted. I was trying to function normally, go to class, help with the kids, participate in performing arts prep… but I had no energy.

Then in the early evening I was reflecting on the week that had just passed. I began to realize the seriousness of the situation we had been in.

“Timothy could have died.”

My knees buckled. The last remnants of strength were sapped out of me.

In the middle of the situation, I hadn’t really allowed my self to think about ‘what could be’. I just knew that Timmy needed to see a doctor, and the emergency room was the only place that was open on a Sunday. But the nurse immediately knew that Timothy’s condition was very serious when she saw him. Apparently he was very dehydrated – he had refused to drink once the fever set in. Once a baby becomes dehydrated, they decline very quickly. And the staph infection in his thumb was also life threatening. I didn’t want to think about all these things while we were in the hospital. I needed all my energy to care for him.

And it’s a good thing I didn’t fall apart until we got home… I was unable to communicate with anyone from Thursday evening till Sunday morning. I was in a daze. It was worst on Saturday, when I could barely even get out of bed, utterly exhausted and unable to hold a conversation even about what to eat for lunch.

Before we left for the hospital on Sunday morning (Feb 20), I remember looking at Timothy, and being so worried. I actually prayed, “God, I don’t want my son to have to go through this. Please let this illness come on me!”
But Sean told me, “You have to have to hold yourself together. Now is not the time to fall apart.” So, being a good wife, I sucked it in and held myself together… good thing I did, considering what happened when I finally did fall apart!