(continued from July 10)
Two weeks earlier.
We were in Phitsanulok, half way through our outreach. I was pretty burned out and feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities of leading a Team and taking care of my family. But I though I was in an okay place. I had been working hard on my attitude and the way I interacted with others.
Then, one night we received a ‘helpful’ report of unfriendly gossip.
A couple of the students were planning to come and confront me on my attitude, my leadership style, and my mothering. Needless to say, I was very offended and very wounded. I felt like they had attacked my family and my character.
I hibernated for about 4 days. The hardest part was that I knew alot of what they were saying was true… but I had been working on it. I was aware of the weaknesses and I was working toward change. They didn’t see it.
I felt lost.
God, I’m working so hard! I can’t do anything more! What am I supposed to do? I just keep getting it wrong! What do I need to do differently?
I wanted to brush it off and say it didn’t matter. That it was just a couple of immature kids who didn’t understand the world, who had alot of growing up to do. But the more I prayed, the more I felt like God had allowed it to happen this way – as an attack rather than friendly advice – for a purpose. To get my attention.
One morning, as I sat in the garden to talk with God, I looked and saw a flower. God said, “You’re like that flower. It’s imperfect. And it’s beautiful. It’s clothed in splendor – more magnificent than the best dressed king. And I care for it.” Of course, I remembered the passage from Matt 6:25-34, so I looked it up.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?….. your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
He told me that we could do this day by day. He told me I didn’t need to change *Everything* today, just what He was telling me to change. The important thing was to move forward.
Do Not Worry. Yesterday can’t be changed. Tomorrow is uncertain and full of trouble.
Today! This Moment is when the decisions are made; where the transformation occurs; where character is put to the test. And where the Holy Spirit is to give me the Power to Change.
Seek First the Kingdom of God – Today!
(more tomorrow… don’t touch that dial!)
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